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How do I tell my family?

Often times, the fear of telling your family is worse than the reality of talking with them. Parents and siblings want to help you, so keep that in mind despite their initial reactions. They will experience some of the same reactions as you experienced when you first found out you were pregnant. They may be shocked, angry, surprised, disappointed, scared or worried. Sharing your concern for you and your child’s future will help focus their attention on what is really important instead of getting caught up in the emotion of the situation. If you feel like you need someone to support you as you share this information, don’t forget that we have professional counselors that can help you with this and prepare you given your individual circumstances.

My mom is going to kill me…

This feeling is a natural reaction to an unplanned pregnancy. Maybe your mother warned you about not getting pregnant many times or maybe you know her heart and are worried about disappointing her. Either way, remember that the hardest part is getting past the initial shock of the situation. Consider that your mother is probably going through many of the same emotions as you are. It takes time to sort out everyone’s feelings surrounding this situation. And once you do, hopefully she can be of support for you during this difficult time.

How do I tell the father of the baby?

There is no easy way to share surprising or difficult information. However, your partner has the right to know as he has the same rights and responsibilities of caring for this child as you do. Usually the best way to share the fact that you are pregnant is when you can see him face to face. Tell him the news and then tell him that you would like to talk to him in a few days about what your plans are for this pregnancy. This way allows him to have time to process the information without feeling put on the spot to have all the answers. Chances are he is as scared as you are. Try to set up a time within a few days so that too much time does not pass before you have an opportunity to discuss your future. If he doesn’t want to speak to you, let him know that you may proceed with whatever plans you feel are best for you and your child and he may be contacted by a social worker to discuss his involvement in your child’s future. Sometimes it is best at this point to involve a professional to help figure out what would be best for everyone in the situation.

What if he has different ideas about this pregnancy than what I want?

The father of this child has the same rights and responsibilities as you do. It is very important to include him in your plans for this child, even if he has different ideas. Once you have both decided to continue the pregnancy, you need to develop a parenting plan. Remember either you or someone else can parent this child. If you have tried to talk with him and it has been unsuccessful, this is another opportunity to talk with a professional who could help guide both of you in making a positive plan for your child’s future.

I’m worried, I don’t have enough money.

Raising a child is a very expensive feat. While there are some community resources that can help you on a short term basis, the truth is you need to have a plan in place before this child comes as to how you are going to be able to afford the necessary items to properly care for a child such as housing, food, clothing, diapers and personal items, education, etc. Family sometimes offers to help, but often times their assistance runs out as they are not able to continue to support you and your child. Developing a budget now and looking at where you spend your money is very useful in figuring out what could change to accommodate the needs of another.

How can I finish school and care for this child?

Having a child at anytime in your life requires planning and preparation. Many people have children and continue their education successfully, but it takes a lot of commitment on your part. There are low-cost child care facilities that are available. Sometimes, there is even a day care facility at the school or college you plan to attend. Looking at the support you have from family and friends is another alternative. Many family members are willing to help you out if you are trying to better yourself.

What if I was drinking or smoking before I found out I was pregnant?

This is a common concern for women experiencing unplanned pregnancies. The best thing you can do is stop whatever drugs, smoking or drinking you were doing today. The next important step is to be honest with your doctor and report all usage. Most doctors truly put your mind at ease and offer great information about how to take care of your body for the rest of your pregnancy.